Friday, January 13, 2012

Just Dinner update

I for the first time actually didn't get nervous about asking what JM's comment meant.  WOW!  Really? REALLY!  Being the step mom sometimes feels so sticky, tricky and down right uncomfortable.  I have really made a lot personal changes had some major acceptances this last year and feel more confident then ever to feel free to ask about things that come into my home via my stepson or JM.  I still have some area's that I'm not sure I will ever get over but lets focus on the improvements.
Soooo, she says that it was due to her being half asleep still and that's also why she didn't finish the conversation.  That she meant nothing by it but only repeated herself.  She however could totally see how I might get my panties in a bunch over it and probably would have cried if I had sent something like that to her.  Things seem fine and I'm glad.  I still feel a little like it might have been a little bit passive aggressive.  Maybe she doesn't even know she does it.  I will take her at face value so that we can continue try and be on the same team and grow this friendship. 
Biggest thing about all this is that I was BRAVE!  And it turned out great!  I was shocked when my heart didn't start beating faster when I knew I was about to ask her to explain it to me.  Usually my heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest and the tone in my voice gets crackly.  But I stayed calm and direct.  I really wasn't mad maybe that's why.  I just wanted clarification.  And to let her know this wasn't something we had put him up to doing if she was mad about it.  I think that communicating intentions and letting everyone know their side will help clear things up much quicker than assuming.  So far so good, I think!
After reading one of the best step/parenting books ever, I guess I've learned that even though I might see things one way, the other woman might have a very different view on it.  I'm glad that JM agreed to read the book and take this adventure on again.  The book I'm referring to is "No One's the Bitch" by Jennifer Newcomb Marine & Carol Marine.  I love it and suggest it to anyone who want to improve relations between themselves and the other woman in their child's life.  Not everyone will become friendly, friends or even get along.  But this book will at least help your state of mind when it comes to dealing with these very tricky situations.  Aren't our kids worth the attempt?  Mine are!
Here's the link to the page to read more on them and the community of mom's and stepmoms trying to improve their children's lives:/
  Hope it helps.  Would love to chat about your experiences with how the book has helped you as well.


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